that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Randomize
