I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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