I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
