the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
