you guys were way drunker than both of me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
