She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
