If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We need to rekindle our bromance
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
