Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're like the curious george of whores
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
