That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever