And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit