Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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