just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
