Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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