I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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