Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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