So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
