True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I touched a dick in church today
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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