Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
