my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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