just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize