I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i love accidental penises.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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