I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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