you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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