Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
