i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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