You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize