When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
