I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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