I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
