OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
