I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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