Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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