Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
