My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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