I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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