Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
