Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
