So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
