By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
