they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
