How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
