we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
