**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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