We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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