Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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