Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
