Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
