I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
