I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
