lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
