nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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