okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
