I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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