Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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