I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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