Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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