dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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