"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
