So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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