my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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