Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
