just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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