Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the day after is always just damage control
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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