party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He did a backflip because drugs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
