I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She said her name was "party"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize