Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
