That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
