weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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