I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
