Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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